I’m new to blogging so please forgive me

I’ll be honest, I’m using this platform to promote my affiliate links. I have very few options in life because I’m not a very social creature. I’m not particularly smart, or handsome, or funny, or strong. In fact, I think I’m below average in a lot of aspects. If you were to meet me in person, you would think that I’m a little slow and a little off. But, when I’m by myself (like I am now) is when I can truly shine. Isn’t that a little ironic, that all the best parts of me can’t be shared with other people. I can’t really be my true self when I’m around other people. Even when I’m around people I’m supposed to trust. Something happened to me a long time ago and it changed me in some way. I’m not sure I want to describe the change that occurred and I definitely don’t want other people to know about it.

Around 2012 or 2013 (can’t really remember) I went crazy and got arrested. Like something inside my brain snapped and I started to “see” things and “hear” things and it drove me to try to break into a car at a Midas parking lot. Despite the judgemental bastards everywhere, I’m really not the criminal type. But at that moment, fantasy (my own version) became reality and Hunger Games was popular at that time. I believed that extraterrestrials finally revealed themselves as the puppet masters behind the curtains. They were the ones that were responsible for the imaginary famines around the world. They were the ones in charge of all the major global decisions and they wanted to see the human race suffer. So they put us in “hunger games” where the remaining human population would fight each other to the death. Many did not cooperate. They paid the price with their lives. The smart ones, fought. And they fought hard. They fought dirty. The victors of that sadistic game of theirs would only receive 3 MRE’s that they’d have to ration out until the next game.

As I’m sitting here remembering that “event” (didn’t really happen) I noticed that in those moments I didn’t really know what was “happening” around me. I was just bombarded with information that didn’t quite register to me at the time. I was strictly in reaction mode. It’s only sitting here in retrospect that I can make sense of it. Anyway, I was one of the ones that didn’t want to participate in that game. I just couldn’t bring myself to kill another person. So I tried to get away. I tried to run. Since survival was on the line and chaos engulfed the city, stealing a car was understandable and even expected. I had to get to a safe place and find my bearings. I had to live up the titles that I’ve collected. The titles that stuck to me like gum on the sidewalk. Supersoldier/undercover cop/Jesus Christ/human-alien hybrid/last hope and savior of humanity. I know the audacity of it but remember I wasn’t in the right state of mind. I took a vacation from reality and I wasn’t sure when I was coming back. If I was coming back.

I just wanted to point out that all of this was happening in the theater of my mind. People around me were all business as usual. Everyone. Except for two people. Yes, I remember. I know the difference between what was happening in my head and what was going on around me. Only the movie playing in my head was so vivid and surreal. It was as if I was experiencing two realities simultaneously. Even though I could distinguish and properly label one real world and the other crazy thoughts, I couldn’t ignore either of them for fear of J-walking or getting hit by a car or getting killed in the game. Both realities were very real. Like I said earlier, I’m not a very social creature. I don’t normally talk to people I don’t know and likewise, people I don’t know don’t normally talk to me. But two complete strangers in two different instances looked me in the eye and said some weird shit. The first instance was an older man. Picture Santa Claus if he were a Hells Angel. He walks up to me pushing a kid in a stroller. He looks right at me and points to the child and says “that’s your son.” Except I don’t remember having any children. And I can count on one hand all the lovers I’ve ever had. Funny thing was the older man and child didn’t look related at all. In fact, the boy looked like he could belong to my family. Yet, I didn’t recognize either of them. The second encounter was with a younger man. He was probably around the same age as me. I was about 29 years old at the time. I see him approaching the bus stop I was waiting at. He was slender and a little bit taller than me and wearing a black fedora and dressed like a gothic hipster (whatever that means). As he’s passing by, glares at me and says “no doubt, my father makes it out of this alive.”

Anyway, maybe I’ll finish this story another time. I don’t like to think about that because to me it somehow gives credence to the crazy ideas in my head. BTW. I just wanted to mention that there’s not much I have to offer except my thoughts. I’m in no way exceptional. I was just hoping that these fantastic ideas in my head could be worth something. If you find this interesting or can relate please share this blog and/or leave a comment.

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